... - 2005-01-23
. - 2005-01-23
=( - 2004-05-17
ip - 2004-04-16
berlin - 2004-03-14
2003-04-06 @ 19:16
I had a party last night. It was awful! I drank to much, so I was totally lost for a few hours. My friends told me I was drunk, but I don't know.. I drank in any case too much! But I didn't throw up. Fuck! All the nasty calories are still in my fat body. Disgusting! But I had a great time. It was a distraction from all my destructive thoughts. In fact I did laugh two or three times, and I talked a lot with my friends. I'm usually the quiet one.
I guess I have gained a lot of weight. I'm so afraid that I can't make myself step on my scale.
I'm so tired. I haven't slept this weekend. I just can't sleep. I've even got some new pills of my doctor. Something similar to valium... I don't know if u know what that is, but it's some really strong sedatives. But they don't help me. I only get a intoxication and feel really dizzy. It's like when I'm drunk *lol* I guess I have a immunity against drugs.
Anyway, I haven't throwed up this weekend but I took some laxatives... Thats all for now.
Take care!
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Today I feel:
I wanna have control
I wanna perfect body
I wanna perfect soul
I want you to notice
When I'm not around
So fucking special
I wish I was special
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
~Creep - Radiohead~
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